The Daily Eastern News

Satire: I am an old, old man

Adam Tumino

October 8, 2019

All around campus I see young people, and I envy their juvenescence. They have their whole lives ahead of them. I was once young, albeit a very long time ago. In less than one week I will be turning 26 years old. The further my date of birth disappears back into the timeline, the more I seem to notice...

Avoid the devil’s lettuce at all costs

Kennedy Nolen, Columnist

January 30, 2018

Editor’s note: The following article is satirical. Marijuana is awful and a gateway drug: plain and simple. Only lazy people who are going nowhere in life succumb to the devil’s lettuce and waste away their days as they lie numb and mindless. I know someone who smoked a singular weed once… OK ...

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