Every so often an event occurs in our lives, and its impact stretches far wider and with more force than we could have imagined.

I suffered such an event a few weeks ago when I was lying down, doing my second favorite thing to do in bed – watching TV (get your mind out of the gutter, you sickos).

Anyway, I was lying and flipping channels when I set my remote on the edge of my bedpost-like structure.

Apparently, my remote had been suffering from a deep case of depression because it decided to leap from my bed to the ground.

Maybe it had enough of my popcorn butter-covered fingers being rubbed all over it, or maybe my remote felt like I wasn’t paying enough attention to it, losing it for days at a time at least every month.

Regrettably, I didn’t act too quickly in picking it up. Instead, I waited for the next commercial, which is when my life changed for the worse.

I am sad to say my remote control’s suicide try was an outstanding success. It ceased to change stations, raise the volume, provide closed captions or switch over to Espanol (Spanish, for the lay person).

Well, this event has had a profound impact on the way I am able to watch TV, which, in turn, has profoundly changed the way I live.

For instance, my preferred watching position, lying on my stomach with my remote and three bottles of water near by (to re-hydrate), is no longer an option. From that oh-so-comfortable state, I’m not even close to being able to reach the up and down channel buttons on my set.

Just describing that position makes my eyes water a little bit.

Because I value the ability to flip channels so highly, I now watch TV sitting in a chair, approximately 7 feet from the screen.

At this rate, my vision will be permanently blurred by March and permanently gone by April, – all because I ignored my grandmothers by sitting too close to the TV.

The dead remote has also severely hampered my ability to watch more than one show at a time. This, perhaps at one time, was my greatest skill.

Now, to watch multiple programs, the shows must be close to each other in station number. For example, it’s not too difficult to watch a show on ESPN (channel 27) and switch to ESPN2 (channel 28).

It is impossible, however, to watch a Law & Order re-run on TNT (channel 44 – where they know drama) and watch My Super Sweet 16 on MTV (channel 63).

I suppose I could go just buy a new remote control, but then what would I write about? Politics? World Affairs?

Losing such a simple convenience has turned my world upside down.

When you get so used to something, like a remote control, it really impacts simple activities.

It’s difficult to imagine a world without these technologies that seem simple, yet we rely on.

People on this planet have survived without things like remote controls, cell phones, microwave ovens, pants and other modern conveniences.

But take all of those things away from me, and I would become a man with no means of communication, no way to make Hot Pockets and no way to cover my very, very cold thighs.

And worst of all, I would have no way to change the station without getting up.