For the past nine months, I’ve anxiously awaited this- the end of another school year.Here I am, on the brink of my senior year, realizing the past three have flown by and I haven’t given myself much of a chance to enjoy it all.

People claim college years are the best years of our lives. As three-fourths of those years are over, I sincerely hope the “best years” gimmick is some ploy to promote more interest in higher education.

From the time I transferred here until recently, I’ve given fun, friendship and even rest a back seat to work.

I’ve dedicated countless hours beyond the call of duty only to be let down, and though I know there are bigger and better opportunities around every corner, I can’t help but wonder what I have sacrificed along the way.

For the past three years, I’ve been a student and an employee, but I’ve rarely been a person. My true colors have been shadowed by fears of being distracted from some ultimate goal. It’s been atypical for me to really express myself, open up to new people or just have fun.

It’s gotten to the point where I envy my friends who have jumped out of airplanes and stripped to their skivvies to take a swim in the Kankakee River- not because it is some admirable, prestigious thing-but because it’s not.

It’s plain, simple, silly fun- harmless for the most part- and something my borderline perfectionist persona hasn’t permitted.

I don’t know the last time I’ve been entirely happy, and I thought sacrificing those things would be worthwhile but looking back right now all I have are a series of strong efforts. While these may prove as an advantage after I graduate, there is still so much I am missing.

Whereas recently the things I have worked so hard for haven’t necessarily gone in my favor, I’ve been fortunate to find blessings through otherwise unexplored areas. I’ve made a promise to myself to re-budget my time, permitting a little more opportunity for stopping and getting a whiff of those roses I’ve heard so much about.

Somewhere amidst unwarranted disappointment in areas where I applied myself and unpredictable perks in areas I’ve previously given little attention to, I had an epiphany: No longer am I going to live my life just working toward a destination, but I’m also going to be attentive and appreciative of every facet of the journey along the way.

When I actually engaged in real “girl talk” with my friend about guys, and she said “Carly, it’s so good to see you happy, it’s been a while,” I learned something I couldn’t learn through countless lectures- that finding ways to make myself smile needed to move up on the list of priorities.

I had dinner with my best friend and shopped with another friend whom I also really missed. I had an amazing time losing at miniature golf, missing 10 out of 10 free throws and nine out of 10 lay-ups- for once I wasn’t thinking about what the thesis for my next paper would be or if I would remember what part of invasion of privacy a prosecutor would have to prove actual malice for in court.

Instead of listening to my four roommates and other friends here have a great time, I joined them for two hours of playing softball in the pouring rain and going to the theater to see a fun girl movie with no real plot, complete with popcorn and giggling.

Anais Nin said “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was greater than the risk it took to blossom.” Before it’s too late, I’m going to let my life bloom and take the time to appreciate its beauty.