People always seem to complain about telemarketers calling them. They always seem to call at the wrong time. Well shut up, you babies. I enjoy it when they call. It’s like someone delivered a gift of excitement to my doorstep. You get to be rude and then hang up when you get bored-I think it’s the greatest. Here are some fun options to consider when talking to them. Some I’ve tried and some I’m still waiting to.

1. Repeat everything they say with either a question or an exclamation.

2. Inform them to “hold on a sec, this sounds interesting, let me pull up my pants.” (All I got on this one was a laugh, and then she continued with her sales pitch.)

3. Pretend to fall asleep or have a heart attack.

4. If their voice is sexy, don’t be afraid to let them know.

5. While you are talking, start pressing random buttons on the phone, then ask them to stop because they are being annoying.

6. Pick an accent and go with it.

7. Tell them someone else wants to talk to them, then put the phone next to the TV. (This one’s kind of dumb, but most of the time they’ll pretend it didn’t happen.) Then, tell them that you tricked them and they were really talking to the TV.

8. Fire a gun in the air to scare them off.

9. Just hang up, then go listen to the new Weakerthans CD. It’s awesome.

10. Star 69 them and try to sell them something. (For example Mail-order Brides, slightly used Cadavers, sex, etc…)

11. If they ask for you parents, exclaim they’re dead and start to cry. Try to get them to console you.

For long distance carriers:

1. Politely decline based on the fact that you don’t own a phone.

2. Talk to them as though they were talking dogs.

3. Convince them that you have another long distance carrier on the other line. Try and talk them down. If they catch on to your rouse, quickly run and hide under your bed.