There are so many questions left unanswered entering the fall sports season.

Who is going to start behind center for the football team? Can the women’s soccer team claim a third straight trip to the NCAA Tournament? Will the women’s rugby team ever lose a match?

All are interesting subjects, but what interests me more are things that will probably not happen. It is too early to predict how each team will do with practices just beginning and a bunch of unproven athletes taking spots of memorable graduates.

Here is a list of what not to expect from Eastern’s fall sports programs:

To help recover from all the money spent on the renovation of O’Brien Stadium, the football team will now be called the Eastern Illinois Panthers presented by Wal-Mart. As for O’Brien Stadium, how does Rural King Field sound?

The Murray State racing horse mascot will commit the unthinkable crime when Eastern travels to play the Racers Oct. 18.

After challenging the beloved Billy (I mean Prowler) the panther to a race, the fiendish racehorse trips Eastern’s mascot creating a conference-wide controversy.

Eastern cross country runners make an attempt to get an extra step and keep its winning ways on track.

Head coach John McInerney distributes illegal corked running shoes, allowing longer strides with less effort. Eastern’s top runners receive five-meet suspensions for the offense.

In her best Annika Sorenstam impersonation, women’s soccer player Beth Liesen will move to the men’s side to help replace the departed Jason Thompson.

Head coach Adam Howarth will use the women’s star with sophomore Jimmy Klatter for the best one-two combination in the Missouri Valley Conference.

While the N.Y. Yankees prepare for the stretch run of the Major League Baseball season, they make a stunning acquisition from the Eastern volleyball team.

A confused George Steinbrenner attempts to bolster his batting order with some power in the middle by taking power hitter junior Erica Gerth for some cash and a player to be named later.

Steinbrenner becomes upset when his new No. 4 hitter throws down her bat and attempts to spike the ball into left field.

Women’s rugby coach Frank Graziano finds himself in a strange predicament when he is forced to forfeit a few matches because of shortage of players.

Senior captain Kate Taake becomes too intense in practice, accidentally injuring several of her teammates. Taake apologizes, but hurts another player during her speech.

All of these scenarios are incredibly far-fetched, but I say let’s not rule them out. Everything should become a little clearer this weekend as the majority of the teams make its season openers.

Bob Spoo will have named his signal caller, Howarth will have a scoring threat (hopefully) and Ballard can begin to relax with a team that gets better every year.