As it turns out, shooting cream doesn’t exist.

At least that’s the story workers at Rural King tell me.

“We’ve never heard of anything like that, sir,” a confused Rural King employee told me Thursday.

So what then was Eastern head basketball coach Rick Samuels talking about last week when he said his team needed to go to Rural King and pick up some shooting cream?

The Panthers were creamed by Tennessee Tech last Thursday after shooting 1-for-22 from beyond the three-point line.

Does Samuels have some kind of secret stash? Using his basketball coaching clout, he might be able to receive a direct shipment of the special shooting stuff. Much like the men’s basketball team plays, that would cut out the middle man.

The cream Samuels needs can’t be found this year. He needs a cream of the crop recruiting class next year or the Panthers will have shooting struggles like never before.

No king could save Eastern from that, not even a rural one.

u Maybe the White Sox got a sweetheart deal on the new naming rights of the stadium formerly known as Comiskey Park.

With naming rights, does U.S. Cellular give the Sox a better deal on hitters who can go long distance?

Do the South Siders get more anytime relief pitching minutes?

White Sox players claim the North Siders are the team of choice in the second city, they claim there is a bias. It makes sense that the Chicago team clamoring for attention can now ask, “Can you hear me now?” with pride.

The Sox should’ve simply renamed the park Wrigley Field, at least then they can make some money off the Cubs.

u Most knew Panther basketball standout Henry Domercant plays “For God’s glory.” It says so right on his shoes.

But this week we learned everything’s Zen with Henry. Domercant casually throws around phrases like being “one with the rims” and shooting is “mostly mental.”

Sounds more like Yogi Berra than Phil Jackson.

u So where did Megan Sparks come from — besides Mattoon? The freshman guard plays much larger than her 5-foot-9 stature.

The local wunderkind might spark the fire into a team that could soon have a firestorm of rumors about the firing of head coach Linda Wunder.

Three consecutive dreadful seasons can’t sit well on a career, especially when it’s the coach’s first three years at a school.

u February is always an optimistic time of year for the folks in the football department. This year was no exception. Eastern signed 20 recruits Thursday including local product Matt Shonk.

Kudos to the Panther scouts for landing another great headline name.

Quarterback Matt Weber of Rockford, who also has an excellent headline name, will battle Wisconsin product Ben King for the starting spot.

But before the cheese flies, there could be another wrinkle thrown in the mix.

Florida State reject Adrian McPherson left Murray State and officially is on the market. Dare Eastern go after him?

Couldn’t Eastern pull a Steinbrenner and sign him so other schools in the Ohio Valley Conference can’t get him?