Does pop culture still have room for “Pomp and Circumstance?”

With the semester and my undergraduate career winding down I’m awash with trepidation, but I’m not sure if I fear entering the “real world” or if I simply dread the monotony of another commencement.

Graduation ceremonies can be long, drawn out and even brutally boring, but still serve a purpose. However, these rites of passage often can spiral into monotony with such ferocity that guests seek the right to pass out.

Having graduated both grade and high school, I’ve spent hours of my life in the ceremonial doldrums which compose graduation.

With the completion of my undergraduate degree scheduled for May, I offer a modest proposal to my fellow spring graduates.

Write each commencement participant’s name on a pingpong ball and play graduation bingo. Get all of the gooey ‘time sure has flown’ and ‘you’re embarking on a brave new world’ stuff out of the way before any of the graduates (or more accurately commencement participants: graduation pending final grades) have their names called.

Upon completion of the speeches, the master of ceremonies can rev up the giant pingpong scrambler, which should resemble some cross between a Powerball machine and a cement mixer.

As soon as his or her name is called the lucky commencement participant will get to stroll across the stage, strike a quick pose and head for the door. No longer will an Adamowski be forced to wait for Zimmerman. Graduation ceremony equality will be achieved.

My game show/graduation amalgamation idea was conceived last year during my sister’s eighth-grade graduation. She had already received her diploma and the ceremony was somewhere between McNally and Neal when my eyelids began to grow heavy. A quick glance around the room revealed I wasn’t the only one trying keep from slamming my head on the chair in front of me. I didn’t know them, but I figured they were Callahans, Dombrowskis and even Fitzgibbons whose links to this ceremony had already graced the stage.

Now don’t get me wrong, I was proud to see my sister graduate as I’m sure my fellow head-nodders were for their graduates, but the ceremony sure could use some livening up. And in all honesty, completing grades kindergarten through eighth is more of an expectation than an achievement.

Jokingly, I had considered not attending at all. With my youngest sister graduating last year and my other sister and myself walking the stage this year, I had proposed a solution to our collective boredom.

I figured there was no reason for all three of us to attend separate sedating ceremonies. We could form a pack, I suggested, so that none of us would attend each other’s graduations. After all, mom and dad could still savor the ceremonies and the siblings would be spared.

My plan, no matter how simplistic, no matter how sarcastic, eventually fell through and before long I was spending my afternoon at an eighth-grade graduation, where I first dreamed up my pingpong ball scheme.

While it wouldn’t necessarily help with post-graduation dinner reservations, the commencement lotto would keep guests and graduates on the edge of their seats, wondering if they could be next.

The sheer volume of students involved in spring commencement begs for ceremonial reform. As of this week more than 2,000 students had applied to participate in the May 4 ceremonies. Certainly not every applicant will be approved.

However, if a conservative estimate of 70 percent are approved, an average of 350 students would participate in each of the four ceremonies. For me that’s 320 odd names sprinkled in with the 30 or so College of Arts and Humanities students whose names I actually know.

I say bring out the mixer and stir up graduation a bit.