Kennedy’s January tips: Eat soup, bathe in mayonnaise

Kennedy Nolen, Columnist

This column is taking my constantly working, singular brain cell too much time to think of a topic. What if you cannot think of a topic to write about?

It could be for a paper or a column for the local newspaper. My advice: Crack open a bottle of wine, go to your friend’s house and brainstorm together. Now that I am at my friend’s house, bottle in hand, I asked if she would help me think of a column topic.

She put her mighty brain cell to work. After about five minutes of thinking, she got distracted and is currently staring at her phone probably texting her boyfriend about memes.

Yep. She just showed me a meme.

Have you ever wondered what a bath would be like if there was mayonnaise instead of water? Would it be fun? Would it be cold? Could it even be a nice skin treatment we have all been waiting for?

Do you think maybe mayonnaise baths could be a good thing? Maybe it will be the new tide pod, except this condiment is actually edible.

I would continue with the mayo bath topic, but my friend’s dog, which happens to be the size of a fridge, came up and licked my face. I don’t really know if my makeup tastes good or not, but he is trying to come back and do it again.

He stared me in the eye, and my friend handed me a piece of chocolate. I thought she was offering it to the dog, but I was wrong.

Soup Tuesdays are a thing. I love a good scrumptious soup on a chilly Tuesday afternoon. That is why once I finish this column, I am heading over to the local Panera Bread (OK, it is not local) and diving into a bowl of soup.

I’m trying to chow on a thick bread bowl to warm my soul. I am sure 82 percent of readers can relate, and the other 18 percent are liars.

Speaking of 18 percent, I just saw a movie the other day: “Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing, Mo.” The movie: overall 8/10. I would have rated it higher, but I have so many questions I need answered, and Ebbing, Mo. does not actually exist.

My advice for readers this January: Head over to Panera or bust open a can of Campbell’s, go see Three Billboards and then end the night with a steamy mayonnaise bath.

Kennedy Nolen is a senior journalism major. She can be reached at 581-2812 or [email protected].