I can’t pretend I listened much when Hillary Clinton and Dave Chappell told us to give our then-new president a chance. While some may have tolerated President Donald Trump’s disregard for women and his ties to white supremacy, I wasn’t a member of the dying Caucasian middle class or the grumbling elite, so I knew Trump held no golden ticket for me.

Though his sexism was explained by news agencies as a “refreshing take on misogyny,” and his connections with Klan-like organizations were claimed to blown out of proportion, the one standard Trump’s fans held him to was this; fire everyone like you did in your show, and fill the positions with non-politicians.

Which brings me to my point. Trump’s repeated inability to run our nation is finally uniting both sides of the aisle. Conservatives everywhere are waking up to the fact that this barely-tolerable man will in no way be making their country great again. He will live-tweet as he empties the treasury and manically axes good and bad programs alike. And afterwards he will retire to wherever it is bold, bawdy thieves go after they have pulled off the big one.

Rest assured, all certain white people wanted was for someone to champion the noble causes of open vulgarity and screw-the-establishment revolution. Trump promised them as much. He swore he would erect a “Game of Thrones” wall along the southern border, but instead of ice it would be made out of the best concrete you have ever seen and misconceptions about neighboring cultures.

Then he told us he would drain the swamp, which had people hoping they would witness that one scene from a Tale of Two Cities where they kill a bunch of nobles with the chop box. Finally Trump swore he would get rid of Obamacare, which his supporters were not entirely sure was necessary, but by then they had hitched their wagon to a Populists movement, which historically speaking, has no breaks.

A year in, and what are his accomplishments? He filled a few positions, and then unfilled them after critics complained his lineup resembled the Legion of Doom. He has not built the wall yet, because it turns out you cannot force another country to pay for something they do not want to. I know Mr. President, I was surprised too.

Then, there was the North Korea situation. I preeminently thank everyone in South Korea and Japan for your noble sacrifice. Your lives will not be given in vain. Most recently, who could forget his message to Puerto Rico, which was more of an eviction notice than an actual message.

I am not going to even mention Russia. Action hero Robert Mueller and his team of super sleuths are already on it, and I think I speak for the nation when I say we are tired of hearing about Putin’s wacky nation-destabilizing shenanigans. I will mention the economy is doing well, but I have a sneaking suspicion it is because the predators are feasting and we are seeing the scraps fall. Their meal will run out eventually, and then what?

My point in all this is simple; Trump has thoroughly proven his is not a secret genius. His only accomplishment has been to turn Immigration Control and Enforcement into paramilitary organization, which helps no one except for whatever company makes zip-tie handcuffs and black hoods.

I do not have stock in that company, do you? The rules for presidents are simple: be amazing or awful or mediocre for four years, but don’t break anything and don’t antagonize America’s global enemies. You are breaking everything, and antagonizing everyone.

Colin Roberts is a junior English major. He can be reached at 581-2812 or [email protected].