With Super Bowl XLVI upon us, there are many things to take away from this festive weekend of football frenzies. Some are good, and others, not so much.

The Good

One of the good parts about Super Bowl XLVI is that we won’t be forced to listen to the awful, monotone voice of Joe Buck.

You can breathe easy, America. You won’t have to listen to Joe Buck do his signature snore-fest announcing during this year’s game.

I can vividly remember the last New England Patriots vs. New York Giants Super Bowl match-up when David Tyree made perhaps the greatest catch in the history of Super Bowls, and Buck narrated the spectacle as if he were giving his best Ben Stein impression.

So enjoy listening to Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth this year, because Buck and his trusty pal Troy Aikman will be back in two years for Super Bowl XLVIII.

Another good thing about Super Bowl weekend is that those who may not be as sports inclined can still enjoy one of the greatest pre-shows in television history: The Puppy Bowl.

Aired annually by the Animal Planet on the day as the Super Bowl, the Puppy Bowl puts the most adorable animals on screen and lets them battle it out to see who can be the cutest and most cuddly.

The Puppy Bowl is one of those things that you find yourself tuning in to by accident, but end up watching for hours. Truly a great part of a special weekend.

The Bad

Things aren’t all puppies and sunshine with the Super Bowl this year, though.

For starters, the Super Bowl is being held in one of the worst cities in the country: Indianapolis.

When you think Super Bowl, you think party. When you think Indianapolis, you think boring. A boring city in an even more boring state, Indiana. An overall unimpressive city with an unimpressive skyline, without any diversity, culture or nightlife.

If you want to experience what terrible feels like, move to Indianapolis, or as I like to call it, “The Nap Town” or “Indy-no-place.”

The only thing Indianapolis had going for it was the Colts, and if you watched any of the last football season, you know how that turned out.

The Colts were finally exposed as a literal one-dimension team as Peyton Manning sat on the sidelines all season and sulked about not being able to do the only thing he finds fun in a town where literally nothing is fun.

Have fun with Andrew Luck next year, Colts fans, and enjoy another 2-14 season.

The Ugly

I know what you’re thinking, “This can’t possibly get any worse”. Believe me, folks, it can, and will, at halftime of the Super Bowl. Your Super Bowl halftime show entertainment will be provided by none other than Madonna.

Just like when I think “Super Bowl,” I think “Indianapolis,” when I think “football,” I think “Madonna.”

There was more sarcasm in that last sentence than there are Uggs in Tom Brady’s closet.

The last thing the Super Bowl needs is another old hag trying hang on to whatever last shred of fame she has left.

Statistics will show that this year’s Super Bowl halftime show will have the most viewer bathroom breaks in history, while those who did stick around to watch experienced ear trauma and eye irritation.

Madonna is a walking wardrobe malfunction, and we can only pray there isn’t a Janet Jackson-esque wardrobe malfunction.

Dominic Renzetti can be reached at 581-7942 or [email protected].