What do you get when you mix ninjas, giant eggs, Muppets and Arcade Fire? The 2011 Grammys.

This year’s Grammys was full of all sorts of surprises.

Lady Antebellum beat out the likes of Eminem and Lady Gaga for the most awards. Esperanza Spalding, a relatively unknown performer, beat out tween sensation Justin Bieber for “Best New Artist.” And surprisingly Lady Gaga actually didn’t have blood bursting from her abdomen. However, she still arrived in.er.style.

In typical Gaga fashion, the Lady arrived on the red carpet in what appeared to be some sort of egg/embryonic sac. I guess she really wanted to stress that she was “Born This Way.”

However, Gaga delivered a lackluster performance of her new single (which uncannily resembles Madonna’s “Express Yourself”) later in the evening.

Another disappointing performance came from Katy Perry. Perry started her performance with “Not Like the Movies.” Perry was sitting on a raised swing with her and comedian Russell Brand’s wedding video projected on the curtains behind her. Needless to say, the performance was awkward. Although the singer slightly redeemed herself with the upbeat “Teenage Dream,” the whole time I was asking myself ‘why aren’t you shooting whipped cream out of your breasts?’

The first surprise of the night was the “Best New Artist” category.

With such nominees as Florence and the Machine, Mumford & Sons, and Bieber, the crowd was surprised when the award went to (relatively unknown) jazz singer Esperanza Spalding, the first time a jazz artist has won in the category. I have never heard of her before in my life, but good for her. And why? Because it wasn’t Bieber. Is my vendetta that obvious?

A pleasant surprise of the evening came from the conjoined efforts of the beautifully bearded Mumford & Sons and The Avett Brothers with the iconic Bob Dylan. These “folky” men proved you don’t need dancing ninjas (I’m looking at you, Jaden Smith), birth-canal-exposing ensembles (Rihanna) or a hair piece (and yeah, I’m talking about you, Bieber) in order to put on a fantastic performance.

My only question is why was Dylan putting on his best Tom Waits impression? I understand the man is 69, but could somebody get him a Ricola?

However, this momentum was burned out by Rihanna in her second performance of the night, where she performed with Drake. They performed their hit song “What’s My Name.” I know Rihanna was just getting over the flu, but she should have spent less time shaking her lady parts and more time actually focusing on a crazy thing called pitch control.

In a night full of awkward ballads and flat lining performances, the 67-year-old Rolling Stones front man Mick Jagger electrified the stage in a tribute to late soul legend Solomon Burke with his rendition of “Everybody Needs Somebody to Love.” For a man that is old enough to be a member of AARP, he was moving like a 20-year-old in sneakers, working a cape and orthopedic soles!

If I had to chose the best Grammy performance of the night, my vote would go to Cee Lo Green (of Gnarls Barkley) with the song otherwise known as “Forget You.”

Out Gaga-ing, Lady Gaga, Green performed in a hybrid Liberace/Cher/Elton John/Big Bird ensemble with Jim Henson’s Muppet figures singing back-up vocals and later was joined by Gwyneth Paltrow (reprising her rendition of the song from the hit-show “Glee”).

In my opinion the award for “Record of the Year” should have gone to Green (rather than Lady Antebellum) for this track. Green’s song is so catchy it could even have your grandmother dropping “F-Bombs.”

However, the most surprising, but fantastic surprise of the night was when Canadian Indie band Arcade Fire took home the most deserved honors of “Album of the Year” for “The Suburbs.” The shock and surprise was evident on front man Win Butler’s face when the band accepted the award

Arcade Fire’s previous two album’s “Funeral” and “Neon Bible” were flawless and it is about time they are recognized for their talents. To those viewers who asked “Who?” when the band’s name was announced, it’s your loss.

Shelley Holmgren can be reached at 581-7944 or [email protected].