‘The green implants make you explode’

Nowadays, people can do anything on the Web. Everything from Internet research to downloading music to playing games online is available at our fingertips.

Not just any games, but a variety to entertain all types of people from gossip lovers, to word nerds and those that are just a little morbid for most.

We’ll start with the ones that take me back to my Catholic elementary school back home. Not a day went by when I wasn’t antsy to get done with my typing lessons so I could jump on those really cool Apple II E’s and pop in that floppy disk to play King’s Quest or the ever-popular Oregon Trail. Many days that’s the only thing I looked forward to at school, which I now realize is a little sad. But hey- I was young.

Now that I’m of-age, a legal adult for three years, I still can’t get enough of those same kinds of games.

And lucky for me there are Web sites that bring me both those games from my past, and all-new, controversial games that keep me coming back for more.

If it’s breaking virtual bricks with a paddle and a ball that lights your fire, or it’s leading your digital family through unfamiliar territory, fording rivers and shooting buffalo that’s more up your alley, virtualapple.com is the perfect site.

With all the technological advances in computers today, it amazes me that people are still drawn to these older games, which are presented to players with their original graphics. It must be nostalgia. Whatever it is, I like it, and I’m happy they’re back.

As I grew older, my taste in games changed a little as the computer games available to me did.

In high school, I played Text Twist every time I came into Journalism 2. Our paper only came out once a month and I spent an extra hour in the newsroom for study hall, so I decided to spend my time broadening my word horizons. Shuffling letters around to make every possible word combination became the ultimate thrill for the reporters and editors of the RedBird Word and I was no exception.

Much more recently, I discovered a site that opened a new world of fun, addictinggames.com.

This site not only provides links for online Battleship and Mah Jongg tiles, but also to interesting games like my beloved Text Twist and a recent newsroom favorite, Kitten Cannon.

Kitten Cannon consists of raising or lowering a cannon and pressing the spacebar to shoot a kitten out of a cannon. The object of the game is to keep the kitty bouncing to gain the most feet. Watch out for the carnivorous plants and the spikes, which can cut your kitty’s distance short. On the plus side, if the kitty lands on the trampoline or the bombs, they will accelerate his speed and send him flying and bouncing for a much longer distance.

The game takes no skill, and the best part is the sounds- of the kitten meowing as he flies out of the cannon, the bombs exploding, the bounce of the trampoline, the gulp of the plant eating the kitty and the splat of the kitty being impaled on the spikes.

A little grotesque for most? What if you aren’t into dead kitties, but you get riled up talking about celebrities’ latest scandals?

Imagine if there was a game where you could play Michael Jackson, and shoot little boys with nets to keep them from escaping your clutches? There is- it’s called Escape from Neverland, and it can be found on zooass.com.

Not a big Jacko fan? Eonline.com offers a game much like Kaboom, an old school Atari favorite. One catch- it’s called Kaboob, and it centers around breast implants.

The object of the game is to catch as many pink and purple implants as you can, as a plastic surgeon above you moves across the screen and drops them. The pink implants earn the player points, while purple ones cause the character’s boobs to grow. Be careful not to catch the green ones, they make the character explode and the game is over.

Whatever your interests, there is a game online to suit them. Now excuse me, a kitten is waiting to be shot out of a cannon.