What it basically comes down to is that I’m afraid to go home.

My home town of Oconomowoc, Wis., (don’t try to pronounce it, you’ll hurt yourself) or as I like to call it the definition of suburbia, is considering a law that leaves me perfectly happy to remain in Charleston as long as possible.

As much as Eastern students complain about cops in this area, I can guarantee you that no matter what, there is not a fear of being on the wrong side of a Taser. That’s right, my hometown that had nine violent crimes recorded by the FBI in 2003, could allow its police force to use a glorified cattle prod.

An advisory committee suggested that the state’s Department of Justice include the electronic devices in the state’s recommended use of force policy, while the committee continues to study why some people have died after being hit by a Taser.

So basically what they are saying is this: “hey, let’s let our highly over zealous police force stun our community with tiny lightning sticks and when they die, we’ll do some research on why.”

Amazing what people come up with when the Miller Brewing plant is in their backyard. Need I remind you, this is the same state that wanted to pass an ordinance to allow people to shoot stray cats if they walk onto their property – like they’ve traveled back to a version of the Wild West era. Eventually, the Badger state will eliminate our civil courts with a policy that settles disputes with an old-school pistol at dawn.

Michael Curtis, a physician in Wisconsin, said the people who died after being hit by a Taser were in a state of excited delirium brought on typically by a heavy use of drugs, such as crack cocaine. But it could’ve been the 50,000 volts of electricity that flows through your body in a matter of about five seconds. I think I would classify that as excited delirium.

What I understand is that the law enforcement in my town will see a 6-foot-3-inch male like me and the 5-foot-nothing officer with a badge will proceed to light me up like Christmas tree. One would think the cop would already have the advantage because of the gun on his hip but that’s just me.

Curtis suggests law enforcement use a Taser on the person first and during the five seconds the person is paralyzed let a paramedic inject a tranquilizer shot. Translation: zap first, next revive and then ask questions later.

I’ll admit it, I can be what is typically called a smart ass to the police, but that is my parents’ fault since they were the ones who told me to treat people equally. For example, when during a routine traffic stop in below zero temperatures, a cop wanted me to give him permission to search the golf bag in my trunk for drugs. I declined by saying “No, the damage you could cause is more than a ticket could ever be.” Today, I can see that Barney Fife impersonator whipping out his Taser and partially paralyzing me.

What’s ironic is that my dad might have been right all along, he always said that he had to stick a cattle prod on me to get me motivated. The only difference is now the police force can do it for him.

“I have no doubt that a single Tasing is safe,” Curtis said in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe we’ve found our first test dummy.