“What is love? (insert lisp here) What is this longing in our hearts for togetherness? Is it not the sweetest flower? Does not this flower of love have the fragrant aroma of fine, fine diamond? Does not the wind love the dirt? Is not love not unlike the unlikely not it is unlikened to? Are you with someone tonight? Do not question your love. Take your lover by the hand. Release the power within yourself. You heard me, release the power. Tame the wild cosmos with a whisper. Conquer heaven with one intimate caress. That’s right; don’t be shy. Whip out everything you got and…”

Try your hardest to remember what happened in class yesterday. Can you? I can’t. But I can remember that entire poem, from “The Ladies Man,” a movie I saw five years ago.

No matter how many times I read a text for class, I can never remember what I read. Maybe my mind is in another place, or maybe I’m just not interested. I’ve even tried taking extensive notes and recopying them numerous times, just to help me get ahead on a test.

What am I going to do about it?

“Whatever I feel like I wanna do, GOSH!”

Seriously, this problem affects me even at work. I’d like to think I have some pretty sweet writing skills, but I feel like a slacker when I take three hours to finish interviewing people just to crank out a single story.

“What’s taking you so long, Laura?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know? Probably your momma.”

It’s hard to do sometimes, when the person sitting across from me is reading Maxim and laughing hysterically. I have to know what I’m missing out on.

“Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?” he reads. “Fo drizzle!”

Immediately, I think one of of the only classes I have ever taken from which I actually remember the material, Journalism and Democracy with Peter Voelz.

Voelz is always talking about pop culture, and how no one knows important world leaders, and how we know the governor of California better as “the Governator,” from the numerous movies we’ve seen him in. I can’t blame him. It helps his students remember what they need to know.

Sadly, the pop culture we are normally exposed to is not making us any smarter. Take Jeopardy, for example. Celebrity Jeopardy. If you are thinking of the name Sean Connery, we are on the same page.

“Months that start with Feb.” I’ll give you a hint, it’s not “Febtober.”

Sometimes I feel like I need a little culture, so I sit down with a good book, like “The DaVinci Code”, or “The Guide to Getting It On.” When I want to feel a little smarter, I flip through a dictionary.

“I like to break a mental sweat, too.”

I laugh to myself and realize no one is laughing with me. So I don’t look stupid in front of my co-workers, I tell myself, “Now, you stop laughing right meow!”

Occasionally I learn life lessons from movies. Learn to settle. As “Garden State’s” Largeman said, “We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but for the first time let’s just allow ourselves to be whatever it is that we are.”

I find myself constantly using words like “idiot,” “gosh” and “flippin'” in my everyday speech. It’s really kind of sad.

I have an idea: let’s try to put down the remote and pick up a classic. JD Salinger and Homer liked sex, drama and comedy as much as we do.

“That’s what I’m talkin’ about.”

For The Daily Eastern News, I’m Laura Griffith. “You Stay Classy, EIU,” and “Thanks for stoppin’ by.”