I am a little confused. Isn’t McDonald’s a fast food restaurant?

When I was home for a week during Thanksgiving break, I took a late-night stroll with some friends to McDonald’s and was a little surprised of what I saw.

No, there weren’t chicken McNuggets in the shape of my favorite celebrities or really cool toys in the Happy Meal, but I noticed a little remodeling had been done.

I noticed the fast food chain, which became famous for putting a Mc in front of everything, is now trying to attract a new crowd.

I walked in and thought I was in the wrong place because the bright colors had been replaced with darker tones and the lights were dimmed a little. The booth in the back corner had been taken out and two leather chairs were put in its place with a coffee table in between.

Black leather chairs in McDonald’s — what is this world coming to? This is far from the norm of sitting in tan, spinny chairs attached to the ground.

I was all of a sudden struck with an urge to read poetry and listen to some light jazz music. I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure Ryan Groff didn’t pop out of the bathroom with a guitar and start singing.

What is McDonald’s trying to prove? I know it struggled a bit financially for a while, but is a cafe-style fast food restaurant what it wants to turn into?

We are talking about McDonald’s here. Picture someone sipping a cappuccino with a bunch of rowdy kids in the background going nuts in the playland.

You don’t see Jackson Avenue Coffee trying to pass out burgers and apple pies, so why is McDonald’s trying to give a relaxing, book-reading atmosphere?

People don’t go to McDonald’s for a place to sit down and talk with friends or relax. They go because people in this country are always on the move and they want something quick and cheap.

This just isn’t going to work. I already didn’t like fast food very much, but now McDonald’s is trying to impersonate something it is not, and it is kind of funny to see it try.

What is going to be next for the land of Big Macs and french fries? Here are a few suggestions it may want to take down of what else to do if it is really serious about making a change:

Maybe it could have someone dressed in a tux to have people seated when they arrive.

That same tux-wearer could offer hot towels to clean up after customers spill their tiny paper cups of ketchup.

Instead of a soda fountain, it could put in extra coffee machines with an assortment of types of cappuccino. McDonald’s could call them McUccinos.

Customers should be offered robes and a pipe as they sit down next to the fireplace as they read the new bestseller.

And if none of these work for the cafe McDonald’s, it could try other themes. Everybody loves a Western setting. It could cover the place with cacti and all the employees could wear cowboy hats. It would be great.

So if you are interested or upset about these new style McDonald’s, take a visit to Roscoe and see what fast food has in store for the future. I’ll be the guy in the corner with my robe and pipe, sitting in my favorite leather chair.