If you are a person who enjoyed going to a zoo as a child or still enjoy going, then college is just for you.

College has all the makings of a zoo except for a rated “R” tag attached to it and many of the attractions come to you if you stand in the same place long enough.

You get to see all the different kinds of college zoo exhibits in one setting on any given Friday or Saturday.

For best viewing, set up somewhere along Seventh Street because this is where the most diverse group of attractions show up.

The people I see can be split up into separate groups – drunk and sober. So let’s break it all down starting with sober subgroup.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: These are groups of sober people who travel in packs and start off sober coming from their dorm rooms looking for a party. Then, these people make that same path back to their rooms as one of the drunks listed below.

Workout Bandit: There also are the Workout Bandit sober people. You see these people out running around town getting a late night workout with their head phones on and a water bottle in their hands.

With runners, there also are the walkers who enjoy going out for a cigarette or are accompanied by a pet. These people can be seen any time during the week, but must be included in the sober subgroup.

Many drunks are accompanied by an equivalent of a trainer at a zoo as well. These students are known as designated walkers and are responsible for looking after the drunk group to make sure no one does anything too stupid.

Sometimes they fail to do their job and try to get their friend to complete the stupid act instead of prevent it. It’s the equivalent of a trainer accidentally being mauled.

And now for the drunk subgroup, which is usually the more entertaining of the bunch, but can be hostile.

Loving Drunk: First there is the Loving Drunk. These people love you no matter what you say to them and will tell you how awesome you are.

Everybody loves a Loving Drunk, and like a the monkeys or polar bears at a normal zoo, they just may be the best attraction.

Lion Drunk: Then there is the king of the campus, also known as the Lion Drunk. This is a predatory species that likes to cause havoc as it stumbles down the street attempting to break things or get into fights. Be cautious when getting into its way because it may attack.

Let It All Hang Out Drunk: We can’t forget the Let It All Hang Out Drunk. These are the people who like to lose some or all of their clothing after excessive partying.

I once saw a guy walking down the street baring it all for anyone to see. Well, I think he may have had some shoes on, but probably just to protect his feet from the bottles the Lion Drunk broke on the sidewalk.

Urination Drunk: Lastly, there is the Urination Drunk. These people stop along their journeys to relieve themselves wherever is most convenient whether it be the side of a house, a tree or someone’s car.

Sometimes you don’t even need to be outside to interact with the animals, I mean college students.

I’ve been sitting in my house when people either barge in or knock on the front door. Within a 10 minute span, I had two groups of people I didn’t know come in my house.

One guy walked in saying he used to live in our basement and immediately gave himself a tour to see how the place had changed since he lived there.

And then right afterward, two girls knocked on the door wanting to use the bathroom because they couldn’t wait.

So everyone, come out and enjoy. You never know what you will see and you rarely have to go far to see it.