Flipping through the pages of an Eastern pamphlet, I saw a picture of campus that confused me.

I looked at the picture for a while and thought, where is this? Those buildings look familiar, but it can’t be Eastern. Then it dawned on me. That’s what the South Quad looks like with grass.

As a sophomore, I have not had the privilege of fully experiencing the South Quad blanketed with lush, full grass. Grass was on the South Quad when I arrived in the fall of 2001 — I think. I do remember the South Quad was quickly reduced to a mound of dirt and a long, deep ditch when campus workers started replacing heating pipes underneath it.

When classes started last fall, sod was present in the South Quad, but after Quakin’ in the Quad and other activities taking place there, combined with heavy fall rains, the nice green sod was replaced with brown mud.

It all doesn’t matter now since the South Quad has been covered in snow and ice for the past couple of months, but what about in the upcoming weeks when spring starts to roll up from the south.

Will Eastern leave the south quad a brown barren wasteland?

Well I have been inspired by the Rich McDuffie, director of athletics.

What’s the problem? You can’t grow grass, and when it does, it quickly dies? You have horrible drainage? If grass isn’t beneficial, get something artificial.

Think of all the advantages of installing artificial grass in the south quad.

The university would save money on maintenance, and then it could splurge on some salt for the sidewalks. As an added bonus, Eastern could liberally sprinkle the salt on the sidewalks because they don’t have to worry about killing the grass because it’s fake!

This would have a trickle-down effect. Since the sidewalks would be salted and safe to walk on, the university wouldn’t have to worry about students complaining about breaking their ankles and wrists going to class.

Laying down a green carpet in the South Quad would complete the ensemble of sixties chic already existing. All four residence halls (Thomas, 1964; Andrews, 1965; Taylor, 1966 and Lawson,1967) in the South Quad were built during the decade of love, and Astroturf was created in the late sixties when the Astrodome was built in Houston.

The Astrodome brings us to phase two of this brilliant renovation of the South Quad: a fully retractable dome covering the south quad. After completion of the dome (about three years after its planned completion date) the South Quad will be renamed after the naming rights are sold to Wal-Mart and the area will be known as Super Wal-Dome.

Well, a fully enclosed south quad might be impractical, but so is attempting to grow grass in the South Quad. Too many students use it to play football, soccer, frisbee or whatever they want to.

Students playing in the mud during a rainstorm is an inevitable problem. It’s like a homing beacon for bored college students looking for fun on a rainy day.

Eastern can keep trying to grow grass in the South Quad, but it will keep getting trampled and rained on.

Artificial grass might not be the most financially feasible solution to the South Quad’s problems, but reseeding the area and hoping central Illinois’ climate will yield to the will of Eastern Illinois University is about just as feasible.