Here in America, consumerism and trend-chasing seem to rank pretty high on our cultural values scale, a phenomenon that played itself out perfectly in this country’s malls following Sept. 11.

People started waving American flags like it was going out of style, and it was. Stickers appeared on cars, and people called it patriotism because no matter what idiot thing our idiot president was doing, we were proud of our country.

And then it hit my favorite store, Wet Seal, and every other store in the mall. T-shirts, jeans, even underwear sported glittery Statues of Liberty and sequined flags. Claire’s offered red, white and blue belts, wallets, necklaces and bracelets. This too we called patriotism, as if nothing says “this land was made for you and me” like a 13-year-old girl with a star-spangled scrunchie.

Now, being an American is so last season. I scoured the sale racks at Wet Seal trying to find something without the damn stars and stripes all over it and left disappointed. The back of the store stuffed with $5 shirts that used to be my playground is full of a bunch of stuff I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing.

Looking the other way when America does something dumb and waving a flag is not patriotism. It’s being a sheep. Patriotism is loving your country enough to stay there and try to fix what’s wrong, and there is plenty to work on here.

America was founded on strong ideals of freedom and equality. It also embraced slavery and didn’t allow anyone but white men to vote. We’ve come a long way, but we have a long way to go. We aren’t done and I’m willing to stick it out. But I’m not willing to wave a flag while our country fights a war I don’t support. I won’t wear our colors while same-gender couples can’t marry or adopt or even have sex in some states. And I won’t stand idly by while our civil liberties are revoked in the name of national security, and people are detained simply for being, or looking, Arab.

I care about America. I vote, I’m a card-carrying member of the American Civil Liberties Union, I’m part of the queer and feminist movements, and as a journalist, I work to keep the public informed.

I’m sick of feeling like an outsider because the fact that much of our country just woke up to the abuse of women in Afghanistan makes me sick. I’m even more sick of people applauding every TV station, filmmaker and department store for crying “God Bless America.” They only thing CNN or McDonald’s cares about is your money. They’ll play up national fear or pride or whatever else works to get you to watch their channel or buy their crap. If you want to find patriotism, look at those who are well beyond the reach of freedom, and help them get it.

People will tell me I’m no patriot because I support flag-burning. Yes, in some situations I would burn a flag, but I wouldn’t use it to capitalize on a national crisis by printing the colors on a swimsuit and trying to sell it, then relegating it to the clearance shelves when it isn’t cool anymore. And if I want to, I can burn it (the flag, not the swimsuit) because this is supposed to be a free country.