“The fact that a guy relentlessly pursues you does not mean that you are special,” said David Onestack, director of the counseling center and speaker of the “Fighting Monsters” workshop held in the Charleston/Mattoon room of the Martin Luther King Jr. University Union Tuesday night.

“Persistence only proves persistence,” he said.

Many strategies are used by predators of women to establish privacy and control with their potential victims.

Onestack described the constant persistence as a refusal to hear “no.” Movies romanticize this refusal and do a great favor to predators, Onestack said.

Other strategies that are used are things that otherwise may seem harmless like niceness and charm. In fact, Onestack described some of these strategies as things women would hear if a guy wanted to pick them up.

Women make the mistake of thinking that niceness and charm are character traits, when in all actuality they should be used as verbs, he said.

Instead of saying a guy is nice or charming, Onestack suggests that women say he is trying to be nice or trying to charm her.

Intuition is key in whether a woman will become a victim, Onestack said.

He said in virtually every rape or assault he has been told about, the woman knew something was wrong ahead of time.

“Nature has given you the greatest self defense mechanism in your own intuition,” Onestack said.

However, women tend to doubt and debate their intuition, or they are worried about being impolite, he said. Women at the discussion agreed with his statement.

“I’m too nice, like I can’t be mean,” Tina Williamson, a freshman forensic science major, said.

Onestack said women are socialized to be polite, worry about other people’s feelings and not come across as a “bitch.”

“Would you rather be a bitch or a victim?” Onestack asked.

These mental defenses help to “harden the target;” however, women should know that they cannot control the actions of others and whatever happens is not the woman’s fault, Onestack said.

In the case of Shannon McNamara, an Eastern student who was murdered in June, Onestack said she did everything right.

No one wants to think about things like rapes and murders, but predators are out there.

Nothing is more harmful than pretending that in Charleston there is no threat, Onestack said.