Have you ever woken up on a Sunday afternoon, cringed at the first glimpse of sunlight, and made the vow? You curse Jim Beam and Jack Daniels alike and promise yourself you will have no further discourse with either the Miller or Busch families. Between Friday and Sunday the contents of your wallet converted to the contents of your liver, and now you’re paying the price.

Sometimes, like a U.S. submarine commander, we fail to see things that are right in front of us. We embrace the “if it ain’t broke” approach. We’re hardly ever pro-active, waiting until we’re faced with the implications of our actions to try and remedy the situation.

In the spirit of shortsightedness, we search for problem-solving solutions that are quick and easy. Bottled water is a good example.

We, as human beings, created water pollution, and faced with the threat of cancer, our thirst for bottled water gushed.

Thirty years ago the desert of Death Valley was about the only place you could charge $1 for 20 ounces of water, which may or may not be from a “municipal source.”

I’m considering bottling Charleston water during the fall and early winter months when turnover in Lake Charleston, the city’s water source, provides a distinctive taste and odor. Perhaps I could market the product as “musk flavored.”

However, I decided to drop my bottling scheme when I discovered a more recent trend fluttering about – oxygen bars. Unnecessary oxygen-dispensing is the newest, anti-pollution, pro-wellness, “Hey, I’ve got nothing better to do with all my money” trend.

Bottling water is one thing, but air? Isn’t this an extravagant abuse of modern medicine?

According to outofthisworldradio.com, you can start an oxygen bar franchise for about $4,000. However, you might run into a problem in Charleston. I heard the city prefers to give out Class E oxygen licenses rather than Class D permits, so you might have to serve slices of pizza along with your oxygen.

The oxygen costs the providers 7 cents a minute, and they charge $1 a minute, in the pharmaceutical tradition of price-gouging.

Suddenly perspective sneaks in. While we suck down oxygen cocktails, people in Africa are dying of a disease called “sleeping sickness” that is almost as rampant as AIDS. The difference is, sleeping sickness has a cure. The problem is that drug companies no longer produce the life-saving drug because it’s not profitable. Unfortunately, the value of human life doesn’t trump the almighty dollar.

Victims of the disease slowly waste away, gradually becoming zombies and falling into a perpetual sleep. The proliferation of the disease isn’t man-made – it’s spread by a species of fly. No fly swatter can solve this problem, but the drug companies can, but apparently it’s not in the budget.

There is a whisker of hope in this story. According to “60 Minutes,” an interesting side effect to the cure for sleeping sickness is that it eliminates facial hair. Hopefully there are enough women with mustaches in this country that the product will take off, and maybe the pharmaceutical companies will make enough profit to consider saving a few lives.

While I’ve never been a fan of hairy women, I’m appalled that the drug may be available in a cream here in the U.S and not in pill form in Africa, where it belongs. Consequently, I’ve given up and decided to join the drug companies.

Here’s my proposal. Continuing the practice of abusing modern medicine, I suggest making intravenous fluids available as over-the-counter cues. Athletes are sometimes administered IVs during games to battle cramps. Why not make them available for hangovers?

The next time you wake up writhing in alcohol-induced agony, strap on an IV. Enjoy the fact that as long as you have money in hand, the big drug companies will be there for you.