You read that right. Now, you may be asking yourself, “Why is this guy writing about pasta in the daily college paper? Aren’t there bigger, more pressing issues he could be discussing instead of this? Is he out of ideas already?”

Before I answer those questions, I must ask you one myself: Isn’t this the article you’ve been waiting for, true lasagna lovers? Too long has there been a drought of pro-lasagna content in this paper.

No more, I say! At least for today (if they publish this that is) we will be taking spaghetti down a peg by praising its one true rival: lasagna. Forget about politics or films or anything serious; we’re going to talk about pasta whether you like it or not. Let’s get this show on the road.

Now, if you are anything like me, you find yourself frustrated and on the verge of tears whenever you eat spaghetti. This is due to the fact that, no matter how many bites you take, it always seems like you have the same amount on your plate as when you started.

You could take 50 or 100 or even 30,000 bites and it wouldn’t make a difference; the spaghetti remains unphased as if mocking you. You never truly win, you simply eat as much as you can and then put the rest into some tupperware that is inevitably stained red forever.

Never in the history of mankind has a food existed purely out of spite and malice, that is until spaghetti came along.

Interestingly enough, when I was doing fake research for this column, I found out that spaghetti is actually Italian for “evil”. One has to wonder if this is because it’s incredibly messy and also looks like you’re eating worms.

You know what doesn’t look like worms? You guessed it: lasagna. Lasagna, in addition to being Garfield’s favorite food, is like if pasta and cake had a baby. You may not like pasta but I know you like cake.

Lasagna, like Shrek, has layers that add to the complexity of the dish and put it far above a sad smattering of noodles and sauce that dares to call itself a food. Not only that, but the various ingredients you can include within these layers allow you to shape lasagna to whatever dietary restrictions you may adhere to.

You want to slap some fish and broccoli in there? Why not some feta and spinach or even some cottage cheese? This versatility is the foundation upon which lasagna built its good name.

Sure, spaghetti is a lot more prevalent in shows and films (looking at you Elf) than lasagna, but when was the last time you met someone famous for their spaghetti?

Probably never, because spaghetti is super easy to make and super difficult to mess up. You boil water, put the noodles in, wait, and then you’re done. That’s boring.

Making a 10 layer pasta cake is hard and tedious and builds character.

You don’t spend three hours making a single dish because it’s easy; you do it because you know, in your heart, that it’s the right thing to do.

So, the next time you think about taking the easy way out and making some spaghetti, remember that while you may not be technically breaking the law, you are in fact fighting against 500 years of human culinary progress.

Will Padgett is a first year English graudate student. He can be reached at [email protected] or 217-581-2412.