Column: Police militarization in LEGO City is ridiculous

Adam Tumino

We have a lot of things laying around the newsroom here at The Daily Eastern News.

We have normal things like pens and notepads and seasonal things like our Christmas tree, which is still up and is now our Easter tree. We also have inexplicably random things.

One of the random things we have is a LEGO City Sky Police Jet Patrol kit. This highlights a problem that has become a part of public discourse in recent years; the militarization of police forces.

We hear about it in places like Los Angeles and Chicago, but in LEGO City, the problem seems to be completely out of control.

The Sky Police Jet Patrol is, as you may have guessed, a small jet fighter that can be used by a LEGO City Police pilot to patrol the skies of the plastic metropolis.

But what crimes could possibly be committed in LEGO City that would require a supersonic death machine?

On the box, the plane is shown being used to swoop down on a robber who is cracking an outdoor safe with two red jewels in it.

Why the safe is outside is unknown.

On the front of the box, the plane is flying dangerously close to the criminal’s head as he reaches into the open safe.

On the back of the box, the pilot has landed his plane and is running on foot toward the criminal with handcuffs in hand. The criminal has somehow managed to take just one red jewel out of the safe in the time it took to pilot to see the crime and then land and get out of his jet.

He is likely arrested and entered into the LEGO City legal system, which is surely an unholy nightmare.

Why did the criminal not run away when he saw the police jet fly overhead, circle several times and then land mere feet away?

This, along with the fact that the criminal was cracking this safe outdoors in broad daylight, highlights the ineptitude of LEGO City’s criminal population.

With criminals so helpless, why does the police department need a fighter jet to stop them?

It is a reckless waste of LEGO taxpayer dollars.

No wonder there are so many criminals in LEGO City. There must be no money left to properly fund schools.

A subpar education system would also explain why the criminals in LEGO City are so incredibly stupid and bad at crime.

Until the LEGO City government gets its act together, the police there will continue to be disproportionately funded. This is a deep-rooted problem.

 

Adam Tumino is a senior journalism major. He can be reached at 581-2812 or [email protected]