Column: Kate’s tips on how to burp better, louder s

Kate Rehwinkel, Columnist

My column this week is going to be one of the most informative yet. It is a topic that I am an expert in and I feel like I should share my knowledge with the masses. My topic today is burping. Yes, you read that right, burping. If there was such a disorder that makes someone constantly burp, I would have that disorder. All of my friends know that I love to burp and I am really good at it. I could win a burping contest if I wanted to. I am going to share with you two important tips on how to have a world class burp, otherwise why even try.

First, I drink a carbonated drink, whether it is soda, sparkling water, or cider. Sometimes I chug it, but usually I just like to sip on it. After I sit for awhile I feel air making its way up to the throat and I sit up straight and I belch. When you burp, you need to make a statement. No one wants to hear a wimpy burp. Your burp has to show dominance and let other burpers know who is the boss. I will admit I do have some weak burps now and then, and I am embarrassed when other people hear them  because they are not my best work and I know I could definitely do better. 

Another area that is a must-have in order to have a statement burp is to not apologize for it. When did burping become socially unacceptable? It is a bodily function and sometimes necessary. I never apologize for having a bodily function, because if I don’t burp when I need to my stomach starts to hurt. I guess I learned to not apologize for bodily functions because my dad farts in public all the time and doesn’t apologize. Saying “excuse me” after I burp doesn’t do anything because people still heard me burp. I am proud of my burps and could care less what all the Shirley’s and Bob’s think about my burping. There are lots of things I could be doing in public that are worse than burping. 

I think everyone should burp wherever they want and however loud they want. I will not stop until it becomes socially acceptable to burp in public without saying excuse me. It is a hard fight but I am willing to put in the effort, and I hope that one day all burps can live harmoniously and to their full potential. 

Kate Rehwinkel is a senior management major. She can be reached at 581-2812 or at [email protected]