It can be hard to stay positive in today’s society.

To put it bluntly, the world is ending. Am I being an alarmist? Probably. Am I right, though? Also probably. 

This means it is even more important to appreciate the little things around us that make life worthwhile. 

Find something small and simple. Find something that blows you away. For me, that small and simple something is barges. 

I guess barges are not technically small. But on a cosmological scale, isn’t everything?

Barges never cease to amaze me. 

I have a very minor understanding of the scientific concept of buoyancy. I know there is something about density and displaced water and whatnot. 

A typical American barge (yes there are different types of barges, but we don’t have all day) weighs approximately 280 tons and can carry around 1,500 tons of cargo. 

That is over 3.5 million pounds. This is a mind-bendingly large number. But the damn things stay afloat. 

Maybe I just have a hard time wrapping my mind around how much water can weigh, but I think that barges either have giant underwater legs or are held above the surface by some sort of nautical magic.

Barges also represent the best and worst qualities of humankind.

They represent our ability to innovate. Barges started being used in the mid-1700s, back when people thought disease was caused by the devil and the female orgasm was a sign of insanity.

But even back then we needed a way to move old-fashioned goods, like molasses and wig powder, and we would not be denied.

We made some big, flat boats and made horses pull them upstream. Of course, horses now have better things to do, like running in circles for billionaires who are wearing the ugliest hats you have ever seen.

We have developed many faster and more efficient ways to transport goods since the implementation of barges, yet we still use barges. Maybe shipping companies have become attached to these large, steel monstrosities. More sympathetic I could not be. 

If you are not yet on Team Barge, perhaps they simply are not your style. Fear not. There are many other ways to distract yourself from the impending apocalypse. 

Look at a squirrel outside and pretend you are controlling it with your mind. Stick metal spoons to your nose. Switch the first letter of two words and make funny new words, like Kurger Bing or Tord Faurus. 

But I cannot recommend barges highly enough. 

Wikipedia defines a barge as “a shoal-draft flat-bottomed boat, built mainly for river and canal transport of bulk goods.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself. 

Adam Tumino is a junior journalism major. He can be reached at 581-2812 or at [email protected].