Let us all pray that the latest tidbit of Hollywood casting news turns out to be untrue.

“Access Hollywood” reported Tuesday that Marlon Brando – yes, THE Marlon Brando -will be appearing in the Wayans brothers’ sequel to last year’s ridiculously vulgar surprise hit, “Scary Movie.”

I will now pause while you movie fans scream in horror and toss your popcorn in the air.

The report, which has been backed up by several other outlets, including Harry Knowles’ Aint It Cool News (www.aintitcool.com) and ABC News’ entertainment news Web site, Mr. Showbiz (mrshowbiz.go.com), stated that Brando will net a cool million for his small appearance, one that Knowles’ site reports will be in a scene that parodies “The Exorcist.”

Why would Marlon Brando have to slum it in a quickly made cash cow like “Scary Movie 2”? You know that little movie called “The Godfather”? Well, that’s Brando. He IS the Godfather. Now he’s going to be in “Scary Movie 2.”

What could be the explanation for this? Maybe Marlon Brando met Marlon Wayans and became blood brothers through some secret ritual of the Order of Marlonhood. Or maybe the Wayans’ sent the big man a lifetime supply of Cheese Whiz and Saltines. Or maybe his agent took more illicit drugs than usual that day. Or maybe Brando has fallen into some deranged washed-up actor’s madness. We all have our theories. And they all make me sad.

I guess we really shouldn’t be surprised by this; Brando has been a joke for quite some time now, particularly since that whole kissing incident on the Larry King program a few years back. Of course, appearing in “The Island of Dr. Moreau” didn’t help. That little misstep made him a reocurring character on “South Park,” for Pete’s sake. Next thing you know he’ll be flubbing his lines while presenting Best Picture at the Golden Globes.

Luckily for the big guy, he has a chance to redeem himself. He also appears in a movie this summer called “The Score,” a heist thriller directed by Miss Piggy himself, Frank Oz. His costars? Angela Bassett, Edward Norton and Robert De Niro. That sounds much better for the guy who once was thought to be the end-all, be-all of American acting.

Nonetheless, Marlon Brando remains one of the saddest jokes in Hollywood, the great actor that just got too weird for his own good. His embarrassment is perhaps only equalled by that of Malcolm McDowell, the biting Brit who burst onto the scene in Kubrick’s classic, “A Clockwork Orange,” and who now makes a living in straight-to-cable nudie fare and stuff like “Tank Girl.” For shame, Mr. McDowell.

This topic does create an interesting train of thought. Which of today’s Tinseltown titans will become big jokes? I don’t know about you, but I could easily see Joseph Fiennes getting fed up with his brother Ralph constantly stealing the spotlight and just giving up, appearing in stuff like “Emmanuelle 18” or films produced by Andrew Stevens. And then there’s Quentin Tarantino, the insane auteur who can’t make a follow-up to “Jackie Brown” to save his life. He would seem right at home in a flick with Shannon Tweed, wouldn’t he?

To quote Brando from “Apocalypse Now,” “the horror … the horror.”