“Vagina”: the new scourge on American values. Vaginas are slowly infiltrating the households of good, true, patriotic Americans.

Everywhere Americans look, a vagina seems to be lurking nearby. Schools and universities, malls, daycares… vaginas have slowly taken this country by hold, and it happened right before our eyes.

The only safe haven from these monstrous little creatures? Men’s locker rooms and movie theaters showing re-runs of the “Rambo” movies.

Unfortunately, the very acknowledgement of the word “vagina” is slowly decimating the values that our Founding Fathers worked so hard to protect.

Well, at least that’s the way it’s being treated by some politicians in Michigan.

In a recent meeting over healthcare bills, Michigan Rep. Lisa Brown stood up in a session of the Michigan legislature and declared that “… no means no,” during a debate about Michigan House Bills 5711, 5712 and5713.

These bills are set to raise the cost for clinics that provide abortions, and many argue that they seek to make abortions illegal, or at they very least, severely limit a woman’s access to abortions.

Brown’s declaration on the Michican floor also included a tirade against religion, which she said should have no part in the decision making process of the legislature.

How dare this woman reciprocate the old adage of “no means no,” a phrase often used to teach boys about sexual advances and respect to woman.

Even worse, how dare the propose that a governmental process abide by one of the foundational ideal of our country, “the seaparation of church and state?”

To make things even worse, Brown then did the unthinkable– she said the word “vagina” in the middle of the house floor– the ground separated, all of humanity plummeted into the fiery abyss.

Oh wait, the world didn’t end. However, a few people in Michican were appalled that someone would dare mutter the word “vagina,” despite its validity in the medical field as a proper term. Apparently, those offended by Brown’s comments never enrolled in an introductory anatomy class.

“And finally Mr. Speaker, I am flattered that you are so interested in my vagina,” Brown said. “But ‘no’ means ‘no.’”

So Brown didn’t use the word “vagina” to refer to another person, and therefore did not use it in a vulgar way.

Yet she was still censured.

The real problem is that all this noise blinds us to the real problem of this legislation– the fact that men are trying to legislate what a women can and can’t do with her body.

That fact is the reason why Brown made that reference to her vagina. The fact of the matter remains that no man or government has the right to tell a woman what she can and can’t do with her body.

So, first of all, relax—“vagina” is not a foul or vulgar word.

Number two? Stop trying to legislate vaginas.

Marcus Smith can be reached at 581-2812

or at [email protected]