Column: Don’t settle, but give second chances

Logan Raschke

Settling for people in your life who don’t value you shows the little value you give yourself. But many times, people miss out on having worthwhile connections and relationships with others by withholding deserved second chances.

Just recently, I’ve had a terrible falling out with someone I considered to be a part of my family. It was a months-long process of confusion and tribulation, going back and forth between feeling comfortable and uneasy with where things were going, and then it all finally exploded. It was devastating for not just myself but others too.

Now that we have distanced ourselves beyond resolution, there are terrible implications that come attached.

For example, I feel the need to have this person in my life because they still are an, albeit disjointed, part of my family, but a family member nonetheless. There are a lot of important life events I do believe this person deserves to be a part of.

The actions of this person were immature, offensive and vindictive. That is why I feel it’s time to say goodbye (for now).

But that doesn’t mean we can’t reconcile in the future.

In a June 26 column, I wrote about how falling out of friendship is a terribly morose journey, but it’s one we all go through and grow from in the end.

When it comes to fallouts with family members, it’s a whole other level of negativity, implication and consequence as well as sadness.

On one hand, it’s a lot more complicated to end a relationship with a family member because you’re bound by blood.

When it comes to my situation, I know I’m going to have to see this person again in the future.

But this is where giving people second chances can really help these situations.

On one hand, I’m not downplaying the hurtful things this family member has done to me and others, but I’m acknowledging the need to give this person another chance to say sorry and improve.

But when we give others second chances, we should also reflect on our own actions.

As I’m processing the fallout, the family member’s actions and my own, I can sympathize with how they feel and see where I may have been condescending or cold.

But right now, there is no opportunity to make up. It’s going to take time.

However, time often heals wounds because it gives us the opportunity to reflect and process.

In short, don’t let people diminish and walk all over you. If you’ve got someone toxic in your life, you need to cut them out if that’s the best option for you.

But then you need to think about whether it’s easier to have that person in your life. If it is, or if you think a mended relationship would be a good and possible outcome, give them a second chance. Sometimes it’s better to reconnect and grow together.

 

Logan Raschke is a senior journalism major. She can be reached at 581-2812 or at [email protected]