Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves and they are hopeless romantics. Others tend to take a while to fall in love.
I happen to be a huge hopeless romantic, and I have always worn my heart on my sleeve. But, it has gotten me into trouble many times.
I always seem to meet a guy, fall hard for them, jump right into a relationship and then it all goes down the drain.
I know now why this seems to be a recurring thing for me.
I have never learned to put myself first and learn how to love myself before falling in love with someone else.
Since I got clean and sober from drugs and alcohol, I have noticed that I have, in a sense, traded one addiction for another. I have traded drugs and alcohol for love and sex.
Believe it or not, this is extremely common for those of us in recovery. We seem to want that “high,” and so we find other ways to get it.
Throughout my life, love and sex have both led me into bad situations which have gotten me into trouble.
For two years, I had an affair with a man who had a live-in girlfriend and kids.
Yes, it was not a good choice on my part, but I don’t regret it.
I learned a lot from that mistake, as well as countless others that I have made throughout my life.
I do, however, regret the pain that was inflicted on others because of stupid and selfish decisions that I made.
Because of my recent realization of the negative decisions I have been making, I have decided to change.
I have to put myself and my recovery first before anyone else.
I’ve always searched for that special person, but I’m done doing that.
I have to focus on Andrew.
I have to focus on growing into a better person, maintaining my recovery and making sure that I have a good head on my shoulders before I can even attempt to get involved with another person.
My past relationships have not been the best, and sometimes I was to blame for that, which is a key example as to why I have to make a change.
We have got to learn to love ourselves and figure out who we are as individuals before we can even begin to experience life with anyone else.
Andrew Paisley is a senior journalism major. He can be reached at 581-2812 or at [email protected]