We are all humans, which means we all are capable of making mistakes. Unfortunately, I made a big mistake this weekend.
After being in recovery for almost four months, I had a minor slip up this past Saturday.
Even though it was minor, it was still enough to put me back at day one of recovery.
When I realized what I had done, the guilt was completely unbearable, so I decided to tell my sponsor. I felt so terrible about the mistake I had made.
My sponsor explained that these things happen to those of us sometimes, but the good thing is that I did not go on a bender after my slip up.
Why did I do what I did? I guess I was not clearly thinking, so I just thought taking a few hits of marijuana would not be a big deal. But it is.
Marijuana is a mind-altering substance, and I am in recovery from mind-altering substances.
When it hit me that I had done this, I cried. I had basically thrown away 118 days.
One of the things I worried about the most was the fact that I had let down so many people, besides myself. I have been living a life of cleanliness and sobriety and within one single second, it was all undone.
My sponsor explained to me that although I relapsed, it could have been 10 times worse and I should be proud of the fact that I still have the set of tools I learned to use and that I learned from my mistake.
The past four months may no longer count as my new set of days clean and sober, but they did count for something.
As sad and down as I am, I will keep moving forward and I will make it through this slip up.
The best thing about all of this is that I had the courage and strength to tell on myself, and I am so blessed to have a large number of people I can rely on for support and strength.
Without my sponsor, my family, my friends, my Higher Power and other colleagues in Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, I am not so sure that I would have stopped at this one slip up.
Just remember that you are capable of making a big mistake. However, you cannot dwell on what you did. You have to just pick yourself up and move forward, knowing that you can get past it. It is not the end of the world.
Andrew Paisley is a senior journalism major. He can be reached at 581-2812 or at [email protected]