The Daily Eastern News

Buy that person you don’t know what to get for Christmas a Wood Labyrinth

Megan Keane, Columnist

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It’s the perfect, treasured game for young and old alike. It’s timeless—and time consuming. It’s good for the mind. It can be used as an exercise in concentration. What is it, you may be asking. Does it include David Bowie, you may also be asking. I can answer both of those so that you can be a more-informed shopper.

The Wood Labyrinth is a wooden box with holes in it. I know, it sounds like something a bored kid would invent in the 1800s to amuse themselves. Why not buy somebody a bag of marbles and call it a day, you’re probably wondering. Well, you can’t play marbles in the snow. At least, I don’t think you can. Anyway, the game is more interesting than it sounds on paper. The object of the game is to get the steel ball through the maze without the ball falling into any of the holes. You’re probably scratching your head and mumbling, “Huh?” Well, uh-huh, is more like it. It’s got knobs that turn the box this-way and that. Yes, you read that right: knobs. Picture foosball.

For that hipster in your life: the wooden box has a retro appeal.

For that toddler that’s being trained to be a young prodigy of … something? Wood Labyrinth! They’ll master it in no time!

For that professor that you’re trying to suck up to? Wood Labyrinth!

For that sister that’s always trying to get into something new: be it new music, new crafts, or new business ideas. A Wood Labyrinth is the perfect give.

For that cousin who you think plays video games, but regardless, spends way too much time staring at a screen and screaming at their friends? Wood Labyrinth for you, good child! It’s just as grueling and aggravating as a video game without the vision impairments that come with staring at a screen!

For your grandma that’s restless in her retirement? Wood Labyrinth for you, my good lady!

Or, for that racist uncle that doesn’t seem to do much besides drink beer in the garage and bring politics into every conversation? Wood Labyrinth for you, sir! It’ll occupy his time and keep him from getting on your case about being socially correct—like it’s a bad thing.

For that hoard of siblings that always seem to fight over everything? Get them all a Wood Labyrinth and let them compete! Or buy them one and let them fight over it! It’s only $20 on Amazon!

The point is, it’s as addicting as a video game and as challenging as a Rubik Cube. And, chances are, it’ll take some time for anybody to master. But once they do master it, they’ll feel accomplished. Maybe keep the steel ball out of reach of baby babies. Pretty sure it’s a choking hazard. But, it’s sturdy and you can probably leave it in your will.

This column is in no way sponsored by the makers of the Wood Labyrinth, I just think it’s a great gift idea (hint hint). Also, David Bowie is not included. Rest in peace.

Megan Keane is a senior English and psychology major. She can be reached at 581-2812 or [email protected].

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The student news site of Eastern Illinois University in Charleston, Illinois.
Buy that person you don’t know what to get for Christmas a Wood Labyrinth