It’s no secret: this world we live in is plagued with problems. Every day, there is another horror being reported, another issue that needs attention and another worry to count like sheep before we fall asleep at night.

This past week, on Wednesday afternoon to be exact, I came face to face with a new terror that I was completely unprepared for as I made my walk home from campus: I saw two cars, back to back, with eyelashes on the headlights.

Normally, the short distance I travel from campus to my house is a walk and time I enjoy by listening to music and making mental checklists for everything I need to do for the remainder of the day. However, on that dark and cold Wednesday afternoon, the sweet, nostalgic tunes of my “Kickin’ It Old School” playlist and smooth rotation of my mind’s gears were stalled and tainted by the sight of this monstrosity.

If you know me, you know that I come with excessive baggage when it comes to irrational fears. To keep it brief, my list includes and is not limited to fears such as dogs walking on their hind legs, the subtle throb of baby soft spots and the shape of pears. Ridiculous, right? I know that, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot help it. That is why they are called irrational fears, after all.

After that day, it is safe to say that cars with accessories to make them appear human are definitely on that list, and a contender for a spot at the top.

I did not realize how traumatic this sight would be for me. I have only had experiences in the past of seeing cars decked out in reindeer antlers and noses and other similar decorations, but these only triggered me out of annoyance because of their pure tackiness.

But eyelashes? That is too far.

It needs to be stopped.

Not only is it terrifying based solely on appearance, but also it is even scarier to think that someone went to the store, saw a pair of car eyelashes and thought, “Wow, this is exactly what my car needs,” spent actual money on said car eyelashes, put them on the car and thought, “Yes, this was a necessary purchase and my car looks even better than before.”

Even more alarming is that there are probably people who also come into contact with cars that have eyelashes, but instead of seeing it as a problem they see it as a trend that they need to join.

This is more than a column. This is a cry for help. We need to stop cars from having eyelashes—if we don’t, what’s next? Car lips? Car arms? Car belly buttons? (And I am not talking innie belly buttons … I’m talking about another one of my irrational fears: outtie belly buttons. Talk about a double whammy.)

We also need to think about the financial effects this will have on people. The more this car eyelash trend spreads, the more money people will be wasting to make their car look equally gaudy and ghastly.

If cars with eyelashes (or any other human qualities) is on your list of irrational fears, know that you are not alone.

If you are an owner of a car with eyelashes, heed my words: this is a warning, and this is only the beginning. A revolution is slowly evolving and your end is near.

Carole Hodorowicz is a junior journalism major. She can be reached at 581-2812 or at [email protected].