Column: Future will not be simplified

Rob Downen, Opinions Editor

There’s something to be said of a society that deals primarily in generalities, and, unfortunately, it’s a bit frightening.

Over the past few months, I’ve noticed a distinct rise on social media of what some call “listicles”—“news” articles adapted to a list format, often accompanied by pictures, video, and very little context or commentary.

And while I understand them a necessary evil in an increasingly digital, increasingly mobile-based news media, I also think it’s worth noting the high potential for misguidance when dealing in constant generality.

Now, hear me out: “listicles” aren’t all bad.

No, many actually serve a practical purpose, successfully boiling large and complex issues into concise, easily read and accessible formats. Sure, “8 Things You Need to

Know About Russia’s Annexation of Crimea” might not hold much weight in scholarly debate or academia. But it does present a relatively complex situation in a way that someone who, say, wasn’t adept in Byzantine and Ottoman history could understand (I may or may not have used it…).

And yes, I also understand that not all online content is intended to, or need, deliver hard-hitting critique or academic commentary (I, too, love every “14 times Kate

Upton was sexy at _______” article).

What I am referring to, though, are what I like to call “Cosmo Lists”—the thousands of articles posted, reposted, liked and shared every day on Facebook, each supposing itself an original, valid suggestion for how to live life.

What I’m referring to are these “one size fits all” how-to guides to life—the ones masquerading as legitimate, real-life wisdom, but filled with more cliché and generality than 20 Nicholas Sparks novels.

As an example for this column, I’ll use the first list I find on EliteDaily.com, the worst offenders of all. Hold on… Got it: “50 Things Late 20-Somethings Need To Realize

After Their Quarter-Life Crisis” (thanks for that lob, karmic universe).

I’ll try not to nitpick, but just a few excerpts: “If you’re part of the rat race then, by default, you’re opting to be a rodent”; “You’re stuck with yourself. You may as well make the best of it” (*insert masturbation joke here*); and my personal favorite, “with all the wars going on and all the secrecy that the world’s superpowers have indulged in, right and wrong is more a matter of opinion than an objective stance.”

General? Yep.

Cliché? Got it.

Vague? Nailed it.

Unfortunately for this list’s author, as well as the thousands of people who choose to blindly soak it in, few things in life are as simple as black and white. Life itself is, in its essence, at its most basic form, still pretty grey.

And so, to lay some empirical claim, some “one size fits all” paradigm to the complexity of life is, at best, a misguided and simple approach to an infinitely large and impossible question.

At worst, though, it’s an intentional shutting of the intellectual door, a closing-off from challengers to our own perceptions, a steadfast denial of a reality outside the one we’ve constructed for ourselves.

Life is not that simple. Few things are. The answers to your existential problems, then, exist within the margins, the subtle balance between old and new experience, the ability to rationalize, internalize and build upon your own beliefs, not a list you stumbled over on Facebook.

With that in mind, I’d like to conclude this column with a listicle of my own.

Buzzfeed and EliteDaily both passed on it, but I think it’s decent:

1.    Put this paper down.

2.    Stop letting strangers on the Internet dictate how you live your life.

 

Robert Downen is a senior journalism major. He can be reached at 581-7912 or at [email protected]