It is the end of the year so that means only one thing: You are broke.

Yes, the tolls of bars, rent, utility payments, Domino’s $6 one-topping pizzas and ill-advised 2 a.m. trips to Huck’s have depleted the money you saved up for this school year.

The problem is we still have about one more week until we can return home and eat our parents’ food again. Three weeks before the very slim borderline slave labor summer jobs paychecks come in.

So what is a student to do? Cannibalism? Maybe. Steal? No, tickets cost a lot of money. Sell our bodies on Craigslist? Only if the price is right. No, there are much simpler ways to save a few pennies before the school year comes to a close.

Eat the really crappy food

Everyone makes a Wal-Mart trip where an absolutely terrible purchase is made.

We see some kind of canned meat, box of noodles or can of soup that looks good on the surface, but when we realize what we have purchased, it continues to get moved to the back of the pantry.

For me it was these low-fat pasta creation four-pack. After eating the first one, I realized why I’d never buy anything that is low-fat. It is code name for “this tastes awful.”

This is the time of year when beggars can’t be choosers. Suck it up and eat the really gross Ramen Noodle concoction you bought and pretend it’s good. Most of this stuff has practically no expiration date and it will only make your parents’ food better when returning home next week.

Gross beer

Many people like to celebrate the end of the school year with a couple alcoholic beverages. The problem is good alcohol can be costly. During this time of the year, it is time to suck it up.

Yes, this means you may have to go back to the bad-tasting beer you drank in high school.

I know Icehouse was created by Satan and tastes like a combination of rubbing alcohol and deer urine, but remember it still got you drunk by the tracks, in the cemetery, at the park, or for you rural folk, at the barn back in the day.

If you are a smoker like myself, just roll your own cigarettes without filters. My buddy and I did it once freshman year and it was awesome. Sure I couldn’t breathe for two weeks and I still feel lingering effects in my lungs when I walk up 10 stairs or more, but I’m telling you it’s totally worth the 40 cents.

Stop using your car

I know it is a huge pain to walk, but at this time it is important to cut down on gas.

I live on Sixth Street near Old Main, and I started making the sacrifice to walk to get my pizza from Domino’s instead of driving. The transition was extremely difficult at first, but after you get past the first quarter block of the quarter block journey, walking through the parking lot is easy.

Now many people are probably all, “What about if we have to travel long distances? Did you think of that?”

Simple, just pull a Marty McFly at the beginning of “Back to the Future” and grab onto a car’s bumper while you’re riding a skateboard.

The drivers don’t mind and it is an extremely safe way to travel. So, good luck on surviving the final week.

You’ll need it.

Dan Cusack is a junior journalism major and can be reached at 581-7942 or [email protected].