By Pat Guinane

Staff writer

Strange currents swept rumors and snow across the Windy City this past week.

On Friday, the Chicago area got 3 inches of snow, something it needed about as much as another NBA team.

A rumor has the Vancouver Grizzlies, a team that has been in playoff hibernation since its inception, moving into the south Chicago suburb of Dixmoor.

Somehow the entire country of Canada can’t support two NBA teams, but theoretically Chicago can.

This is a case where more is not better. The XFL reconfirmed this principle. While the league gave us more football, it simply was not, and still is not, good football.

Quality champions quantity. Adding the Grizzlies to Chicagoland would be as futile as doubling the number of Bull’s home games. Much like snowflakes in mid-March, home court losses serve as unwanted accumulation.

Unable to quench fans’ thirsts for superior talent, poor franchises must turn to their second most important employees, the beer vendors. The inferior teams Chicago currently hosts: the Bulls, Blackhawks and Cubs have arguably driven fans to drink, increasing the pressure on vendors. In contrast, anyone who’s seen an XFL game, which may be hard to get someone to admit to, knows that beer vendors, along with the cheerleaders, are much more vital than the actual players.

The political scene is reaffirming Chicagoans’ hearty thirsts. The Illinois General Assembly will soon vote again on whether or not beer can be served at football games in Champaign, allowing Bears fans to drown their sorrows while migrating south during Soldier Field construction.

The proposal failed its first time through the legislature, mainly because it lacked the support of Chicago politicians. A kicker was added to the bill that allows for beer sales on Chicago public golf courses, and the new version is expected to sail through the assembly.

While beer may heighten the enjoyment, or lessen the heartbreak of watching Chicago teams, beer goggles only go so far. Ask any bar-goer, tavern-frequenter, or pub-crawler, there are limits. A 12-pack isn’t enough to get me to go home with a tattooed, leather-clad biker chick and a keg isn’t sufficient to drag me to a frigid Chicago Enforcers game. But, would a few $5 drafts be enough to get me to enjoy a “Dixmoor Grizzlies” game? I think not.

Speaking of bad basketball, the other weird rumor swirling about concerns the owner of the Washington Wizards, a team who fortunately have no intentions of moving to Chicago and teaming with the Bulls and Grizzlies in a trifecta of slop.

Michael Jordan, the champion who led the Bulls and Chicago out of the throngs of mediocrity is rumored to be considering a comeback next season with his Wizards. How likely his Airness will return depends on who you talk to.

Personally, I can’t picture Jordan playing for any team other than the Bulls, but even a mildly successful comeback could give the Wizards a much needed boost.

Maybe it is true. Perhaps Jordan is tired of seeing Mario Lemieux hog the comeback spotlight.

If Jordan does return, he could have two Chicago teams to humiliate, and the “Dixmoor Grizzlies” could be guaranteed at least one sellout, when Michael Jordan’s Washington Wizards come to town.